1:08 am, 23rd August 2017
To the love of my life,
I long to spend a hundred rainy nights like this one, with you. For I have spent a thousand lonely nights, with the sounds of rain and lightening setting a subtle mood as I seek refuge with my solitude. Sad novels are the only thing that keeps me company on nights like these. I can remember a few more, where it’d be just me, the rain, and a book.
I wait for the day it wouldn’t be like this anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy this luxury as it is. But nothing will please me more than enjoying this luxury in your arms.
If you’re away, I would probably spend the night worrying about whether you’re safely home or not. Can’t bring any good, being out on a crazy night like this. Once I’m sure you’re safe, I’d spent the rest of the night telling you how much I actually love the rain. How it grows flowers in the dead soil of my heart. Although, once the lonliness starts to sink in– those flowers tend to wilt and cease to blossom eventually.
It’s been a lonely journey. Reaching out to you. All my life, I’ve been on my own. Which is not to say I haven’t been infatuated with a couple of guys that I thought could be you. It hasn’t been easy, finding you. The amount of calculations and observations I had to make, just to get to you… Little did I know, I’d never need any of those when I finally meet you. Because you’ll be the one, and my heart will know.
I really hope you are the one. And the only. For i, am an old fashioned hopeless romantic who’d never want to move from a guy to the next. I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine. And i just cannot wait to belong to you. I’m sure you’re busy with some girl you think it’s going to last with. But God has interwined our fates together. I can’t complain. I’ll make sure you don’t, either. You see, the amount of love I have for you makes me overwhelmed. You do realise, all this time, all this love, have never been poured upon anyone, right? It’s been here,safe, unseen and untouched, only for you to discover.
Whether it be striking your soft hair or making fun of the way your eyes look when you wake up after a nap, i promise to put all my heart it everything I do for you. Whether it be tracing every inch of your skin with my fingertips or just lazily playing with your hands which by the way has the longest fingers!
Your masculinity will forever intimidate me. Because I have never been with a man before like I’ll be with you. I’m the girl who was raised in her father’s arms- strong, heavy and manly. The arms i long to be in, since over a decade. Your embrace will take me back to the most safest place I once knew; my father’s arms. Your manly scent mixed with a traces of cigarettes will make me even more sadder. Because it will continue to remind me of my father. But you’ll take my sadness away. Oh, I know you will. When you cuddle me in and give me that tight hug.. Which will take all of my pain away.
I can’t wait to read the most saddest of poetry to you. I can’t wait to tell you which parts hurt the most and which parts made me ponder. Even though you’ll get a little bored, but I’ll somehow keep you indulged. There’s nothing i would love more than reading to you.
And when I can’t sleep at night, you can hum me a few songs. Our favorites songs. Songs we have long forgotten, songs of our childhood, perhaps. I’ll let the nostalgia take me to the past as I fall asleep listening to your beautiful voice. That voice of yours is what I’ll live for, day and night. I’m sorry If I’ll creep you out when I record it. I just will never want to miss your voice.
Even though I’m totally against working for someone else, I’ll do anything for you.. out of love. Yes, I’ll even iron your clothes. Anyone who knows me know how I hate ironing. The stupid creases and everything. Sigh. I’ll happily do it for you, but I’ll let you know I’m not very good at it. You’ll have to redo it, eventually.
I’ll even make your favorite meals for you, most days.
I’ll make sure your family loves me like one of their own. I know well how to make home in peoples’ hearts. I promise, they’ll love me. And you will love me. You will love every little thing I do for you, because that’s exactly I intend for you to do.
Now, I really don’t have a figure in my mind as I write this. So you see, I’m kind of shooting in the dark right now. I just hope you’re not of those people who hate Harry Potter. Also, I’d love for you to be a GoT watcher. We could discuss all those theories together all night. Most of all, I pray, you share the same taste in music as mine. Oh god, music is so important. Please love the songs I have grown to love all these years, the rhythms that depress me, the beats that make me kick off my shoes and dance away, the lyrics which pull certain strings of my heart as I dedicate them to you.
Please be a friend to me, before you’re a lover. I can’t imagine you not being my best friend. As you’re very likely to have heard before, I’m not girlfriend material exactly. An exceptionally good friend is all I have been all my life. Let me be that to you, and be the same to me. Together, let this beautiful friendship bloom into something neither of us had seen coming. Something that runs so deep, it touches the roots of our core. Let me and my love for you be the most realest thing that ever happened to you.
It’s a cliche, but I like it when I tell you I intend to be the last girl you fall in love with. Naturally, I can’t be the first one since it has taken me decades to finally meet you. Let’s just pray the time is right, when we finally meet. I’d hate nothing more than losing you due to bad timing.
See you soon, my love.
Never Been Loved